If you are looking to find what is a marriage according to the bible, christwin has made a detailed explanation of biblical union and how to develop a marriage as the Bible asks us to do.
Someone said, “The problem with life is that it tends to be so…daily. Coexistence is often difficult for us.
My wife and I are very different in many ways, especially in social interaction. She is completely oriented toward people, loving them, and making them feel good. She loves social gatherings. She is a wonderful person. I am more oriented toward study and thought. Although I do not hesitate to help those who need it, sometimes I see people as a hindrance in my way. She taught me a lot about it, although I still have to learn.
While I’m good at some things, there are others that drive me crazy. For example, even though I eventually do, fixing things around the house is unbearable.
Firstly because I’m not good at those things, as a cousin of mine would say: “I have two left hands”, and secondly because it takes time away from the things that I do consider more important.
Those differences between me and my beloved wife sometimes cause some… tension.
A truism is that men and women are different, and learning what those differences are will allow us to get closer and closer to each other. There is no doubt that we can learn from each other, and thus help each other to grow together.
A Secret “Hidden” in the Scriptures
We have all “stumbled upon” biblical passages that we have read countless times, and suddenly they become clear as never before. When I learned this passage, I understood why many couples face problems that often lead to failure.
Ephesians 5.33: ”Finally, each of you also loves your wife as yourself; and you, the wives, respect your husbands“.
In this passage, Paul speaks of the relationship between “love” and “respect.” He clearly says that wives need love and husbands need respect.
The connection between love and respect is key to understanding how to grow together.
It is interesting the word that Paul uses, which here is “respect”. It is almost the only time that this Greek word ( phobeo ) is translated this way. Every other time we find this word (93 times out of 94) it is translated as “fear, dread, etc.”
A husband must obey the command to love, even if his wife does not obey the command to respect, and a wife must obey the command to respect, even if her husband does not obey the command to love.
In other words, “The husband is called to love even a wife who does not respect him, and the wife is called to respect even a husband who is unloving.” There is no justification for a husband to say, “I will love my wife after she respects me,” or for a wife to say, “I will respect my husband after he loves me.”
In marriage, there is a strong bond between love and respect. Why is it so difficult to love and respect? When a husband does not feel respected, it is especially difficult for him to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially difficult for her to respect her husband.
Without love, she reacts without respect. Without respect, he reacts without love. And so on. Thus a vicious circle is born from which we must quickly escape!
Why love and respect are primary needs
Again, Ephesians 5:33 says that the husband is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.
Paul is not giving suggestions, this is a command from God. The word that Paul uses to refer to love is agape, which means unconditional love. And the wording of the rest of the passage clearly indicates that the husband is to receive unconditional respect. In this verse, respect is as important to the husband as love is to the wife.
It is not a question of whether the husband deserves respect; it is that the wife must be willing to treat her husband respectfully without conditions. In the same way, the husband’s love for his wife is also something unconditional.
What we must learn is to recognize the power of unconditional love and the power of unconditional respect.
The vicious cycle begins when two people of goodwill cannot find a way out of an argument. Spouses love each other and do not intend to harm each other. They are hurt and angry but still care about their spouse.
In Ephesians 5.33 Paul reveals to us commandments arising in the heart of God for marriage when he says that the husband must love his wife unconditionally, and the wife must respect the husband unconditionally.
How is it possible that a wife should show unconditional respect to her husband? In the same way that a husband should show unconditional love to his wife. It is only possible with the help of God.
If we are to escape the “vicious circle” it is necessary for the wife to overcome the feeling that her husband needs to earn her unconditional respect. But when a wife feels unloved, it is very difficult for her to show respect.
In the same way, it is necessary for the husband to overcome the feeling that the wife must earn his unconditional love. That is what God has called us to do, to love our wives as Christ loved his church. How did Christ love his church? God all for her even though he clearly didn’t deserve it.
The most important goal in couples in conflict is to “break the cycle of negativity.”
In conflict situations, we should also ask ourselves: “Is what I am about to do or say a sign of heartbreak?” or “Will what I am about to do or say be disrespectful to you?”
Of course, the wife may think, “How can I respect him when he is oblivious to me and my feelings? That would be hypocritical.”
We are not called to change everything or everyone. We were only called to be obedient, and God takes care of it from there. We could never say that this is something simple and that it does not demand effort. It requires tremendous faith, courage, and strength.
Therefore, trusting and obeying the Word of God because we love and revere God never makes us hypocrites, on the contrary, it makes us good men and women attached to the Word of God and obedient to his voice.
As for husbands, we must receive the same teaching. We must be men of honor and approach our wives in a loving attitude, even if we do not receive the respect we want.
Both husband and wife can be the mature spouse who makes the first move, even though they have seriously offended us. We are to love our wives unconditionally…and prove it to them every day. Surely it will be difficult, perhaps humiliating, but surely we will win the hearts of our wives. Proverbs 12:16 says: “A fool shows his anger at once, but the prudent ignores the insult”.
Whatever happens, we must both have a responsibility and a firm commitment to return to our expressions of love and respect, before going to sleep. 1 Peter 3:8 tells us that it is always wise for husbands and wives to be ” merciful and friendly .”
What is clear is that we cannot fail to trust God’s Word and obey it. Resting in God we will learn how to show love and respect in the tone of voice, the words used, and the expression of the face.
If husband and wife are basically well-disposed people, they can use the principles of love and respect to turn a bad marriage into a good one, and a good marriage into a better one.
The key in all of this is to be patient and allow the Holy Spirit to work in the other.
Let us remember that his love blesses, without depending on her respect; and her respect blesses, without depending on his love. What’s wonderful is that by doing our part in marriage, we both benefit and grow together toward God’s goal in marriage—may it glorify God and help us grow spiritually.
Jesus is preparing us so that when we are in his presence we will hear: “ Well done, good and faithful servant; You have been faithful over little, I will put you over much. Enter into the joy of your Lord” (Matthew 25.21).
Ultimately, our marriage is built not on who or what our spouse is like, but on our relationship with Jesus Christ.
No matter how depressing or irritating my spouse is, my response is my responsibility, and for that response, the Lord will hold me accountable.